THROWN KNIFE

Times not real

 

Come on now you'll feel better

That's what they say when they throw the knife

Smiles on faces

Words like sharp feathers

Cutting deeper than your self inflicted slice

I'm fine I say with a grin

But I'm crumbling crying again

Twelve long years of hiding the pain

Now I'm drowning in the silence again

 

They say just let it out

Just release

But there's no relief

No peaceful sign

Just a war inside that never ends

And I'm so tired of playing pretend

 

Looking down at the thrown knife

What's one more scar in this fight

One cut two three I lost track

But every mark keeps pulling me back

No one cares

Time's not real

It slips away

Times not real

Another cry I couldn't say

No one reaching when I fall

No one hearing me at all

 

I reach out empty air

Nothing there

No one cares

The voices say it's not that bad

But they don't know the nights I've had

I wear the shame like a second skin

Hide the hurt bury it within

But the mirror never lies

And I see it all in my eyes

 

How many times can I start again?

How many?

How do I mend what's broken within?

No one cares

They don't see the war I face

They won't look at the scars on my arms

No one cares

 

One more cut

What's one more

When I've lost count

And the blade's the only thing that doesn't leave me

 

Looking down at the thrown knife

What's one more scar in this fight

One cut two three I lost track

But every mark keeps pulling me back

Time's not real

It fades to gray

No one listens anyway

Still I breathe

Still I try

Even if I don't know why

Why

 

As I look down in shame

At the red carved map on my skin

This isn't how the story ends

This isn't how the story ends

But I don't know where to begin

I don't know where to begin